Sometimes...

In the meanwhile's of yesterdays I try
I try to be that person with substance


You would never know how hard it is for me looking at me. I keep that smile to fool the foolish. Inside my mind Im wondering around undergoing change after change. For a long long time I was a Star in my own right. I graced the stage with raw emotions, a therapeutic mind massage. A whole other human being living within me. She was gorgeous and broken in the same ways as i was, but she knew how to let it out. Once I killed her that all went away, cold turkey, withdrawing from the stage.  I had no release for the circus of my mind. Some days banging my head on the bars of insanity. Only my child keeps me from it. I have to stay strong for her. I cant allow her to go through the childhood hell I did. Being a parent isn't enough, I never want to crush any dream she has, or wants to aspire to. I will support her, I will steal for her if I have to to make those dreams come true, because money I am not made of, and never will be, but dreams are still able to be fulfilled without it, or else it will be. The things that life throws at you, are bullshit at times. Makes you look up and say "What the Fuck?" Im not a religious person by any means. I believe there is a puppet master somewhere guiding us to their  own amusement whether its God or Buddha. Talking to the sky is the only thing we have, hoping someone or something is on your channel at that point. I digress,  writing has brought back a new way of releasing my inner battles, I lost writing for awhile and am thankful it came back to me like an old friend.  More to come, thanks for reading (I hope someone is) xoxo *m*